View source for Rectal Ingress Vector Training Manual

The ''Rectal Ingress Vector Training Manual'' is a document listed in the short story [[Kaiju Poo-Poo."

== Rectal Ingress Vector Training Manual: Excerpt ==
=== Chapter 7: You Only Get One Shot ===

''TIMING IS EVERYTHING.''
When the Blessed Balloon initiates excretion, you have a window between '''3.2 and 5.1 seconds''' to make full insertion. Too early: splatter death. Too late: sphincter crush.

=== Rules of Entry ===
# Match velocity with descending turd (do not exceed 160 knots).
# Approach from the trailing side; avoid tentacle swing.
# Insert nose-first. Lateral insertion has 14% higher disintegration rate.
# Brace for backdraft. It's not optional. Secure oxygen scrubbers.

Practice makes perfect. Or at least, survivable.

[[Category: Kaiju Poo-Poo]]
[[Category: Short Stories]]