Difference between revisions of "Rectal Ingress Vector Training Manual"
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Latest revision as of 11:20, 1 August 2025
The Rectal Ingress Vector Training Manual is a document listed in the short story [[Kaiju Poo-Poo."
Rectal Ingress Vector Training Manual: Excerpt
Chapter 7: You Only Get One Shot
TIMING IS EVERYTHING. When the Blessed Balloon initiates excretion, you have a window between 3.2 and 5.1 seconds to make full insertion. Too early: splatter death. Too late: sphincter crush.
Rules of Entry
- Match velocity with descending turd (do not exceed 160 knots).
- Approach from the trailing side; avoid tentacle swing.
- Insert nose-first. Lateral insertion has 14% higher disintegration rate.
- Brace for backdraft. It's not optional. Secure oxygen scrubbers.
Practice makes perfect. Or at least, survivable.
